I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i need some magic done to my vagina
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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