Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
