Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
