New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
