sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
