He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
