Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
