i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
