He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
