i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
