I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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