my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
