Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
