a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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