Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
