Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
