State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
