Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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