There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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