Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
