I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
