We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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