don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
