I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
