either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
