even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
