just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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