Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
