They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
