I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
