I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
