she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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