I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
