I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
