we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
