Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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