Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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