took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
