someone get that fucking seahorse.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
