it was like eating out sand paper
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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