That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
