I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
