Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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