just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
