i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
