It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
