I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
