Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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