ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
