My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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